The Most Important Thing

In Dojo, the most important/salient skill/orientation/belief is, “If you can understand the question, a response comes up.”

Not the right response.

Not the wrong response.

Just a response.

Once that’s in your bones, you can practice, “I can talk about anything.”

And once that’s in your bones, you can practice, “I can do anything.”

And yes, there are always consequences.

You may choose not to answer.

You may choose not to act.

The point is to be at choice.

Back to, “If you can understand the question, a response comes up.”

Why is this important?

Why is this the most important?

Why am I using “response” instead of “answer”?

I’m using “response” instead of “answer” because “answer” tends towards, “the right/wrong answer” and “specific key for specific lock”. “Response” is looser.

In the beginning, having a response is easier to dance with than having an answer.

Later on, the distinction between the two become less clear.

Then it disappears entirely.

As a White Belt, questions that are about your Public Face shouldn’t be too much of a deal. Boils down to, “What does your Public Face like/dislike?”

Salt with your eggs?

Top or bottom?

Wool or cotton?

Cry much?

Favorite band?

Etc.

As a White Belt, when the questions start edging over into Private Face land, by definition, your BOS isn’t going to want to have that Private information become public.

How does the BOS attempt that?

It can try outright denial, first of the question, then that there is an answer.

Then it can try that conditions are not right for answering.

Then it will try redirection/deflection, make it about something else.

Then it could try redirection/deflection by attacking/defending.

Then it can become a kind of reactive that negates answering the question.

All of which can be very effective in not outing the Private Face reality.

As a White Belt, your job is to be with what is, to KOOD it, Private and Public Face.

When your BOS feeds you the, “White Screen of I Don’t Know”, you get to insist that you do.

That you do understand the question.

That you do have a response to the question.

That you can speak that response.

Don’t get hung up on whether it’s the right response or not.

In five minutes, you may have a completely different response.

That’s fine.

The point of the exercise is to answer the question, “In this moment, what is your response to this question?”

You’ll struggle and struggle and struggle.

You’ll do the Gateless Gate thing.

Then you’ll pop.

“Holy fucking shit!!! I can have an opinion, a response to any fucking thing.”

“Holy fucking shit!!!! I do have an opinion, a response to any fucking thing.”

“Holy fucking shit!!!!! There are no fucking answers.”

Laughing maniacally.

“It’s all just fucking opinions.”

Ya never really know how much that particular straitjacket was constricting your relational dances, until you take it off.

And just wait till you’re leaving the gym and have to put your IRL relational clothes/lenses back on.

Learning that till you make another choice, it’s ok to have a IRL and a gym rat life.

As an aside:

One of the strongest beliefs that support monocultures, probably necessary for monocultures, is that there are answers.

Especially in relational monocultures.

There are correct questions about relationshipping that have correct answers.

“Who to get married to?” is a correct question in a relational monoculture where marriage is a thing.

And there is a correct answer.

As long as you leave the construct, the question, alone, it’s just a matter of choosing which answer.

That’s the arena for White and Yellow Belts.

When you start into Red Belt, it’s the questions that you start looking at.
“Why is this a signifier?”

That’s when you can feel the shrooms kicking in.