What I Do
When I check my label, it says, "Coach."
I'm going to write some stuff about what I think coaching means. Note that these are MY thoughts and beliefs about what coaching is about, not THE definiion. This is how I look at it, this is where I come from, this is how I dance it.
In very general terms, a coach is someone you go see when you are not satisfied with how some part of your life is going AND want it to be different AND you can't figure out how to do that on your own.. "Different" can be as narrowly defined as "shooting free throws" or as broad as "finding more passion." For the vast majority, this difference that they are seeking to create is believed to lead to "better-ness," be it the better-ness of increased free-throw percentages or the better-ness of having more passion in your life. If you are satisfied with the way things are going in your life, you are NOT going to seek the services of a coach.
About Coaching
Broadly speaking, coaching starts with two sets of variables: one, your current set of beliefs and skills about the thing you're wanting to change and two, what the new set of beliefs and skills you'll need to get to where you want to go.
Coaching falls into two very broad classes: coaching for proficiency and coaching for difference. There is some overlap but, in general, clients will be asking for one or the other.
In coaching for proficiency, you have a basic tool kit that is getting you some of what you want. And you want more. But, for some reason, getting the more, on your own, just isn't working.
For example, you already know how to shoot free throws. But you can't seem to break 70%. No matter how much you try, no matter how much you want it, whatever is in your free-throwing tool kit isn't geting you past 70%. There is something getting in your way, something limiting your ability to shot 75% or 80% or even 95%. And you can't see it. Hell, if you could see it, you'd take care of it. So, rather than doing the same ol' thing, over and over and over again, and expecting different results, you've decided to go see this guy that friends of yours, who used to have similar ceilings, went to and they're now shooting in the 90s.
In coaching for difference, you're not looking to improve what you already have. You're looking for something different from what you currently have. (For those of you who are philosophically inclined, yes, you can't really go looking for something completely different or something completely unknown. There has to be a link, however tenuous, to what you currently know/experience.)
Looking for Something Different
Very few people are consciously looking for something different. Work on different can arise out of work on proficiency. Not always. You can be very satisifed on increasing your free throw average from 70% to 90%. And that's where it ends. Some times, as you're working on upping your proficiency, something different, something unexpected shows up. You've been working for weeks at quieting the internal chatter and anxiety that was interfering with your ability to sink the free throws. One night, your partner asks you, "Are you all right?" "What do you mean?" "Well, for the last week or so, you've been acting different." "What do you mean, 'different'?" "Well, when you come home, you don't make a beeline for the tv. You come in here and talk to me while I'm getting dinner ready. You've never done that. I haven't heard you say anything hard to the kids all week. Not once. Not even when Timmy dumped his cereal. I mean, c'mon. What's up? Not that I'm complaining, mind you. It's just weird. I didn't want to say anything but it's almost been two weeks. Are you ok?" "Yeah, yeah. I'm fine. I don't know. What the fuck is going on?"
At times, working on proficiency can lead to life getting more difficult. If you're working at getting more in touch with your feelings, maybe being able to communicate more about what's going on with you from a feeling or emotional level, things could come up that you have very little experience in dancing with. Your life could get very, very difficult to deal with as all these new emotions are swirling around, demanding an outlet.
Hope that makes some kind of sense.
One of the fundamental reasons to hire a coach is to get an external set of eyes on the situation.
Why hire a coach?
Because to a hammer, everything looks like a nail. It's not due to some sort of shortcoming on the part of the hammer. That's what it does. It hammers. When a nail shows up, it hammers. When a screw shows up, it hammers.
There are many places to get a different narrative from: friends, books, movies, school, authority figures, the list is pretty endless. The human difficulty (as opposed to the computer ease) with making new narratives operational is that the old programs believe that they are essential for the continued survival of the host (that's you). Most anything outside their operational parameters (their box) is interpreted as a threat to the whole.
You can do it on your own. Lots of examples out there of people doing it all on their own. That's a very powerful myth (narrative), "It's more valuable if I do it on my own." Or, "I'm more valuable if I've done it on my own." It tends to take a lot longer and the dead ends are much more numerous and time-consuming.
My job is to get you burning as brightly as possible in a way that you can manage to your satisfaction.