Getting naked with my desires

Warning: I think that this might be a bit overly philosophical and from a Dojo POV.

From a Dojo perspective, White Belt speech is (until proven otherwise) coming from your POV, which was probably mostly set up when you were in the single digits, physical-age wise. The meaning-making was from whatever you had at that time.

Difficulty is that while your BOS can use vocab from your present day reality, the meaning-making is still that from your childhood.

Most of the strong stuff in your meaning-making life is from what Dojo labels, “black holes” in your psychological make-up. Usually value-negative things foisted on you by your caregivers and you, not knowing any alternative, made it about the reality of you rather than the opinions of others.

I’m beautiful.

I’m smart.

I’m a piece of shit.

I’m ugly.

I’m stupid.

I don’t deserve better.

Etc.

Etc.

Etc.

So the strong stuff that happens, is usually an attempt to deny or reinforce the black hole.

Ok.

That’s stuff that’s out there.

Now comes the fun part.

If you can get out of the most shallow part of your relational communications, you’ll find that a lot of your language is “coded” in reflection of not only those “black holes” but the overall meaning-making of a single-digit physically-aged child.

You dress it up in “adult” language.

It can be really, really, really disturbing to watch yourself (recording helps a lot) speak to people and take the POV that it’s you as a small child, making-meaning as a small child, and wanting what you want from that small child POV.

From a Dojo perspective, it’s more work on de-self-identifying with that Primal Character.

It’s also can be very liberating, once you danced with that POV three or four times, to realize that so much of what you’re trying for has NOTHING to do with the you, you want to be.

“Wait a minute. You’re saying that everything that I want, everything that I don’t want, isn’t really about the it-of-it? It’s not really about what I as an Adult want? It’s what me as a single-digitally aged child wants? And it’s not about the it-of-it? It’s about what that it means to the me-as-child?”

“Yep.”

“WTF???????”

Imagine what it might be like to own the nakedness of the desire of that child?

But first, you have to hear/know it.