Soccer cards

This is a relational tool.

Yes, it uses the soccer cards that the officials use to warn or jettison a player.
And, just like soccer, both teams have to agree to abide by the cards, regardless of what they think about the why.

Again, this is a tool used with someone else who is also agreeing to play along.
If you’re doing this all by your lonesome, expect flak.

The purpose of using the soccer cards is to interrupt a relational dance that going somewhere that one of the parties doesn’t want to go to.

Commonly used in cases of escalating reactionary dances.

You and your partner are starting to do “that” two-step of yours.
You both know exactly where this is going to lead to.
You’ve been down this exact same road sooooo many times.

But this time, instead of doing the ol’ two step, one of you remembers the soccer cards in their pocket.

“Aha!!”

You pull out the yellow card.
You show it to your partner.
Your partner knows exactly what that is.
It’s the yellow soccer card and you have agreed that when either of you pulls it out, all relational activity STOPS.
And you both go to opposite sides of your dwelling for a timed, five-minute time out.

The theory is that the yellow card is outside of the normal parameters of your two step.
It breaks the pattern.
It allows you the chance to get your head/heart/gonads on straight.
It gives you a chance to recognize and deal with that Inner Kid who is about to send you to its favorite hell, yet again.

When the alarm goes off, back together you come.
If either of you wants, out comes the yellow cards.
And another five-minute time out starts.

And so it goes.

The first couple of times, it’s a very long and drawn out battle of the cards.

In simplistic terms, this tool is designed to prevent the spewing of historical vomit, the spewing of historical vitriol into the present.
You’re trying to put a cap on that emotional gusher.
This is about bringing your adult awareness to what is going on with your relationshipping.

After a while, you’ll begin to be able to be the interruption-of-the-reactionary-dance without the cards.

The red card?

That’s for a really long time out.

At least an hour.

The person pulling it gets some major distance for that hour.

It’s not a blame game.

“I think this is happening and I’m taking accountability for both my part in it and my desire not to go down that road.”