Why do we pay attention to fear?
/Do we pay attention to fear because of what it is or what it promises?
Been some interesting discussion around this.
First of all, fear arises. Let’s just start with that.
The “natural/biological” programming is to respond and to respond quickly.
Usually away from whatever it is that is triggering the fear.
You can make it go away.
You can make it smaller.
You can leave.
You can shut down.
Whole lot of ways to make the thing happening smaller.
One choice is to believe the programming.
It’s not the only choice.
People have been changing their relationship, their dance with fear probably as long as there have been humans.
There are a whole lot of changes that can be brought to bear.
For a lot of them, what you bring new to the dance with fear depends on what you want to have happen.
Way back in the day, I just wanted someone to dance with.
I couldn’t make the fear go away.
I had to action in alignment with what I wanted to have happen WHILE the fear was present.
Strangely enough, or perhaps not strangely enough, the fear faded with the more attempts I made in asking people to dance.
Sometimes they said, “Yes.”
Sometimes they said, “No.”
A few times, the horror that the fear promised me actually happened, they laughed at me and said, “You have got to be kidding. Why would I want to dance with you?”
Did a lot of crazy things in my early adulthood.
Lots of “fear busting”.
After a while, the sensation of fear, the is-ness of fear, wasn’t enough for me to pay much attention to.
And after that for a while, the promises of the fear didn’t mean much.
Totally helped that I had gone down some dark roads and experienced some dark things.
The fear-promises couldn’t hold a candle to what I had already gone through.
There was no story of what terrible thing might happen that could measure up to what I had already walked through. People are going to be repulsed by my fatness.
Done.
People are going to stop being my friend.
Done.
People aren’t going to get me.
Done.
People are going to ridicule me.
Done.
People are going to turn away.
Done.
I’m not going to be enough.
Done.
I’m not going to be smart enough.
Done.
Someone is going to die because of me.
Done.
Life is going to be meaningless.
Done.
I’m going to be terrified.
Done.
Strangely enough, most of all of the emotions are still here.
Just very quiet.
And they don’t get to define my reality.
I don’t have to be in any way, do any thing, believe any thing, simply because I’m having an emotional response to something.
Emotions inform my reality.
Emotions are not my reality.
Fear is not the mind killer.
Fear is not the I-definer.